June first is National Pen Pal Day!
A pen pal is a friend that you may have never met in person. Pen pals share the events in their lives through writing letters. This might even be a friend that you met at camp or some other summer activity but who lives in another town, State or even country.
There are some great benefits to having a pen pal. Sharing letters with a pen pal gives us a wider view of the world and knowledge of different locations near and far. Sending letters will improve writing skills and writing letters gives us a break from technology. You could even pick up a few words in another language. Finally in this fast-paced world, having a pen pal promotes delayed gratification. Once we write a letter, we must wait to hear back from our pen pal.
National Pen Pal Day History:
National Pen Pal Day was created by American Rosie Tholl, who has traveled around the world to meet some of her pen pals. She was also the coordinator of the Illinois Pen Pal Picnic Reunion and is co-founder and co-coordinator for Pen Pals United.
Interested?
Ten famous people who were pen pals: https://nationaldaycalendar.com/lists/10-famous-people-who-were-pen-pals
As always, if you have questions, contact
Anatha Atthar, Kinship Navigator: anatha@familyess.org
Behavior is Communication: Looking Beneath the Surface Through a TBRI® Lens
Kin caregivers often say:
“I’ve tried consequences, reminders, and taking things away… but the behaviors keep happening.”
In TBRI®, we learn to look beyond the behavior itself and ask a deeper question:
“What is this child trying to communicate?”
Children who have experienced trauma, loss, separation, or instability may not always have the words to explain what they feel inside. Instead, their nervous systems speak for them.
What looks like:
- Defiance may be fear
- Anger may be overwhelm
- Withdrawal may be sadness
- Control may be anxiety
- “Attention-seeking” may actually be connection-seeking
Behavior is often the outward expression of an unmet need.
Why this matters especially in kinship care:
Many children in kinship homes have experienced disruptions in trust, safety, and predictability. Their behaviors are not always intentional misbehavior — sometimes they are survival responses shaped by earlier experiences.
When caregivers respond with curiosity instead of immediate punishment, children begin to feel safe enough to learn new ways to communicate.
A gentle TBRI reframe:
Instead of asking:
“How do I stop this behavior?”
We might ask:
“What is this child’s nervous system trying to tell me?”
- Small things that help:
- Stay calm and regulated first
- Remember that connection opens the door for correction
- Get low, soft, and connected before correcting
- Use short, nurturing responses
- Watch for patterns around transitions, hunger, fatigue, or stress
- Offer protein snacks (cheese, nuts, yogurt, peanut butter)
- Encourage water throughout the day
- Offer snacks before transitions or stressful times
- Sit together when possible (connection supports regulation)
- Remember to eat and drink
An important reminder for caregivers:
You do not have to be perfect to be healing.
Children learn emotional regulation through relationships. Every calm response, every moment of connection, and every attempt to understand the need beneath the behavior helps build trust and felt safety over time.
The takeaway:
Connection before correction.
When we understand that behavior is communication, we stop seeing children as “giving us a hard time” and begin recognizing that many are simply having a hard time.
And that shift changes everything.
